Sunday, September 20, 2009
9:59 PM
I've been facing the computer since Derek and Tj left my house.I hate such mundane life, one that is filled with "oh i know what's gonna happen next". You know they always say that you'll never get to re-live your youth and that all of us should live life to the fullest lest one day, we look back and sulk, wishing that we had been more adventurous, more cheeky, more romantic- moments that we can relish down memory lane.Recently, I did a reality check and an astringent truth dawned upon me. It was as if i was zapped out of this mystical realm- a place where things were working my way, where simplicity ruminated in the deeds that I took on.
Initially, I wanted to be petty about it and attempted to create a big deal out of it. However, after a few sessions of self- propaganda, I let the matter off. All the joyous scenes became yet another figment of my imagination.
I think the Mind is a very powerful creation. Occasionally, it tosses crumbs of doubts at me, hoping that I'll get hooked on, lose focus on stuff that requires my attention and then it strike. It will proceed to sow unhealthy thoughts into my mind, planting catalysts, wishing that it will speed up the process of decomposition of whatever good things are there in my mind. ( wow! weird description but true!)
Aiya, enough off those nonsense.
I seriously misses my A'level days. Now, when i plug in my Ipod, I'll occasionally catch tunes that bring about waves of emotions, mostly memories that are etched with honey! I'll get flashbacks of myself mugging with the notes under my nose outside the Teachers' room...those late bus rides in 180 as it whizzed down Bukit Batok road...those late dinners that my mum specially kept for me...and then nights when i feel asleep with the lights on and the notes slightly damp because of my saliva...those mornings when I woke up and told myself that today is a brand new battle and there are also those mornings when I woke up but pretended that I was dead knowing that A's draw near...Oh yah..and those panic attacks I got when I cannot solve simple Math questions( it felt as though my pee will spurt out any min)...sigh...
On an ending note...it has been a long time since i was down..I ain't sure what's happening but...guess its just another valley of shadow that I must conquer..wish me luck then!
