I can't seem to upload the pics of me with YM,MICH,VAN and KY shall try again tmr. Thats all for now!
This picture was taken @ Labrador Park. Look at that Golden Retriever. so carefree. you should have seen it's face.It so wanna breakaway.
I was not well brought up. I have lousy parents.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
It's more than 2 months of holidays already. In about 6 weeks time, I'm going to slog for the Nation. How exciting.
In the past 2 months. I did nothing productive. All the goals that I wanted to accomplished whilst preparing for my A's have not materialise yet ( see si en, this is how you use it). urgh. I just wasted 2 months of my life away!
All my Poly friends are busying with their projects. My JC classmates( to start with, I don't have many cause I was pretty nasty to everyone. no choice. survival of the fittest :D) are working their heads off which I cannot comprehend why. I rarely go out with my Mum nowadays, as she is always hanging out with her husband. And to add on, she doesn't have a lot of money now, so there's not a lot of things we can go without money.
Money is almost everything.
Having said that. I sometimes dislike to be around people. like i need the space. shits. maybe i have mild autism.
I'm desperate
the feeling is just not right.
it's forced. one sided.
I wanna break free.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Unique CNY, felt very different. Maybe I've grown out of it.
I know it's time to widen the circle and I know I cannot depend on you.
you come in second, third,forth,fifth.
Roti Prata tmr.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Pretence gives you room to get round obstacles without touching them, the space to observe that there are other sides to people, not just the abrasive, challenging attitude that you can't cope with.
"He always thought that there was something enthralling around the next corner but couldn't be bothered to make it far enough to find out"- Jess from The Language of Others.
Perhaps the past is comfortable because you know what happened. The uncertainty of the future makes it more alarming.
That's the way most people are- sometimes okay,sometimes not.
I fear chicken pox and my inconsiderate brother decided to move back home- and spread the virus to me. I had a vaccination and was called silly because they say the jab don't really work.
If you're gonna get it, you'll get it. They said.
Urgh!
I escaped to my granny's house @ Kallang and she was more than delighted to receive me with open arms ( I exaggerated). Nonetheless, she was happy.
My Granny's house has no computer, no Internet access, no SCV. I died. A stay there revealed my over-dependence on technology. I used to live with my Granny, ever since I was a child. At the age of 12, my mum decided to want me back( to her utter horror). Since then, I'll visit my granny once a week or so.
These 2 years was exceptional. A'levels were of course, more important than my Granny ( I hear protests). and I think she misses me a lot.HAHAHA.
I was determined not to allow the lack of access to Technology crumple my life. So I volunteered to help my Granny make Ngoh Hiang. Basically, it's minced meat wrapped in bean curd skin.
In fact, it's more than minced meat. The filling consists of prawns, chestnut, minced meat, shallots, grated carrot, spring onions and mushroom. The bead curd skin is cleaned and you just have to wrap the fillings with the skin like a popiah!
I've completed reading The Language of Others.
alrites, got to meet up with the girls! Celebrating TJ's birthday today!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
"There will be no more buts, because you believe in your gut that things are gonna turn out great"-Kitty from the Drama Brothers & Sisters.
i feel terrible, you know.
I miss the drama.
Sometimes it's easier to butt into other people's lives then deal with our own.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I can suggest that you visit IRC, Facebook or Friendster said my friend.
Went for Leslie's bdae party! love the steamboat, his mum cooks excellent soup :)
Slacked a bit and had a lot of fun discussing about Driving, Deliverance, Family matters :D
I wished we can have a PJ party and a sleepover, before I enlist in 7 weeks time ;(
I think I'll die in Army cause I'm scared of Ghost, Ants and Rats. :)
Went home alone today and I felt unhappy and empty albeit the cheers from Mobile TV( Obama's supporters)
Smsed my friend. same sentiments huh? sigh.
Happy Birthday Leslie :D
Sunday, January 18, 2009
"It's not a question of deserving.If we're friends, We're friends"-Mary from The Languages of Others
went shopping with TJ @ Marina Sq. I didn't buy anything. Nothing seems to catch my attention. Ah, maybe there are hidden reasons, who knows.
Maybe he is right, what do I know about such matters,issues that involve emotions, love.
But I sure know a lot about Money.
Maybe as his friend, I should support him. "whatever your decision, I'll support you", a cliched notion.
vexed.
Put others before self. that's rubbish isn't it?
Treat others the way you will want to be treated, this too. is meant for the bin.
burp. Just came back from a Feast @ my Uncle's house.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
some Church Volunteer keeps coming to my house to do Visitation.
The first few times, I was kind enough to chat with them, you know, just entertaining them.
Then they asked for my number. Well, being EX-brothers in Christ, I gave them.
Then they started calling and sms-ing me.
Today, They wanted to come to my house again- to read me the Bible. (i know it's a bit wtf)
They'll share some sermon, read you some text. Urgh.
I've no time for Jesus right now. actually. Unless you asked him to drop me some money.
or should i go find Guan Yin Ma?
You see, Jesus and I see things differently. I believed we evolved from monkeys. and I'm definitely on Darwin's side.
Life's a wreck.
There's nothing to keep me. you get what I mean?
Friday, January 16, 2009
When I'm in Army, I'll get $200 monthly. Here's the breakdown.
$50- Be filial and give to my Mum
$50- Savings for driving lessons
$20- Transportation
$30-Food
$50- spare cash, which i think I'll spend on food or save up to buy DSLR.
Can I have my wage advanced? I kinda need the $ now. like now.
i was shaking. crying for help.
I told her, I'll wake up at 4.50am, I'll use an hour to revise my macro and micro, at 5.50am, i'll bathe and at 6.50am, I'll leave house for my Econs Paper, and I know it's Paper 1( SBQ+ DRQ)
I entered into exam venue and wrote rubbish. I left the exam hall, and realised its Paper 2.
The examiners asked the candidates to kill themselves, by drinking a shot that will sear through your organs. I drank, and i died. When i woke up, I saw him. He died, but never woke up. My examiner told me that I got 24/50 for my Paper 1. I quickly text my Tutor, and tell her how dead I was.
And then I met her, We were eating Fish and Chips. And she told me I was having a dream and she vanished. I saw him. holding a gun, pointing at me. I shouted NO! and i woke up
Shaking and crying for help.
Urgh. i think I'm gonna screwed up Econs. shit. Suddenly, I'm so not looking forward to collect my results.
Going out soon, for some job interview. and maybe do some shopping in Vivo.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Urgh! I have so many missing books!
Please return what you've borrowed from me
1. 5 people you meet in Heaven
2. For one more day
3. Tuesday with Morrie
4. Condor Heroes series
5. Harry Potter Book 1,2,6
6. Tipping Point
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Sometimes, Friendship is a 2 way thing.
Sometimes, Friends don't live up to your expectations.
Sometimes, Friends may not understand your needs
Sometimes, admit it. Their are other priorities in their lives.
You're just another insignificant person. Wake up.
I just had a chocolate muffin. *burp*
Wanting isn't the same as loving- Emily, from The Pact.
Just finished reading this amazing book by Jodi Picoult.
I say it's amazing because it's filled with twists and turns and it brings you on an emotional roller coaster, allowing you to sink into the shoes of the characters.
At the end of the day, even after you put down the book, your mind is still engaged in it. Will Chris be sentenced to jail? Did he really pull the trigger? Was the relationship between Gus and Micheal appropriate-was it more of a physical need than an emotional one? Was Mel being fair to the Hartes? Was Gus being fair to James?
Along the way, I kinda answered all the questions, still, I'm not really convinced that Chris did not pulled the trigger. As much as I don't wish to see him in jail, given the much aches in his family, I still think he killed Emily.
And poor Emily, It didn't occur to me until the very end- why did she become suicidal. Alas, the truth was there, so real and raw that I think any one of us could have acted like what Emily did.
Picoult's books engages you. locked you down. It questions your beliefs and forces you to think. More often than not, it involves moral and ethics. and then, you're asked to make a decision. Whose side are you on?
I'm so gonna get all her books!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
My Story
A twist of fate was all it tookLeukaemia was the diagnosis made
So began the chemo drugs and hospital staysSix months treatment or so they said..
But six months come and six months go
The promised sun has yet to shownHigh dependency,surgical and ICUHospital wards,I've all been to
18 months later, I'm already free
BMT's over its back to school for meBut what bad thing? the "O" levels are near
How will i do?My dominant fear
The first step's the hardest, they always sayBoy, were they right, but i took it anywayStrived and persevered all the wayL1R5 7 at the end of the day
This is my story ,every word is trueA little message from me to youPain and despair are not here to stayCourage and faith will guide your way. Quoted from Tham Shee Leng,
17 yrs old, Victoria Junior College. Got this from my previous blog, hope it will be useful to people who come across it. Anyway, I read all my old posts and I almost went Hysterical. I cannot swallow the fact that i used to type LiKe dIs, aNdzz wRitE mY as moix, sIgH as HaIxxxx aNd wOrstxx oF alll, I uSed "Hehehexxx" My older posts were filled with emo stuff and vulgarities and more often than not, I was cursing my teachers. Urgh. I'm overwhelmed. I better removed the site before any1 else still stumbles upon that blog.
seriously. I hate Reunion. especially if they have to do it at my house.
There's nothing to Reunion about if at the end of the day, money is still lacking.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Someone said: Truth hurts.
I hit reality, that there's no turning back.
and that's why I'm so upset.
urgh. Heart filled with disdain and jealousy.
I want to whine and whine and whine and whine and whine.
I dislike the coming CNY for obvious reasons. I cannot buy NEW clothes, NEW shoes...and i feel so POOR. All i got was a new bed sheet? like why would i need that? My mum still says, New year mah..need new things. as if she will give me $ to buy new clothes.
I'm all sore. and I'm so gonna be a wet blanket.
I'm going to be childish and let emotions run my life so I'm NOT GOING TO bai nian.
Even if i am, I'll WEAR BLACK AND I"LL WEAR MY OLD CLOTHES.
anyway. all I'm interested in is the MONEY. As I've said, I'm not really an "auspicious" person and I don't really like to meet people and smile? Lest they give me money!
I need MONEY! I've so many material needs to be met!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
phew, came back from my run! ( to my classmates who are reading this, don't laugh, I know all of you have been doubtful of my commitment to lose weight. Still, I'll prove it to all of you. and someday, we'll compare our thighs and we'll see who's 1 is bigger)
Anyway. felt so GOOD! and i saw this J1 from my school while running wtf?! He 's 2nd Keng Siang okay! His face was used to be rounder than my butt, but when i saw him just now!!!!!! I'm so inspired!!)
And talking about Keng Siang,he's the new idol! He lost 40kg in 2 years! no pills, no medication, no starving,no anorexia. He ran 4.8km every night. Truly, he's a role model to many!
This morning,met Elite 4 for an outing in Science Centre. Went down to support Mr Darren Tan who was taking part in some Science Busking Competition. I like Mr Tan due to his love for Science. His zeal to teach and imparting Physics knowledge to his students struck me. Unfortunately, JC kids are usually more concern of the end result than the process of learning. His efforts to bring an element of "fun" to lectures is often to no avail. Kids just stare and doze off.
Next week is an exciting week. Gonna get a haircut, having reunion dinner( very early huh) gym, more running, more swimming and Ruo Ying is coming back from Japan!
CNY is coming. other than the many Ang pows I'm gonna receive, I'm so not looking forward to it. I'm not really an "auspicious" person. Kind words, i hate.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Met Derek and TJ for dinner and did some shopping @ IKEA.I love going out with my classmates, cause it is always so cheery! Anyway, TJ agreed to put " Chin Soon has a fucking face" as his msn nick ( ahem, pls arh, he agrees to this phrase too and i have NOTHING to do with it.)TJ is very weird, of all my classmates, he is the worst. Reason being- he doesn't have courage. He always bad mouthed CS behind his back * shakes head*and he is weird because:1. After dining at Macs, we were craving for some dessert so we went to some cafe in Anchor Point. As we walked into the Cafe, the cashier asked " Lai, yao chi tian ping mah?" ( actually, i feel its a rhetorical question, its just a sign of acknowledgment and they're not really wanting a reply" But guess what? as soon as the Auntie popped that question, TJ, using his thunderous voice, said YES! and for a moment, I thought the Auntie's eyes almost popped out.2. wanted to try TJ's dessert however, while transferring from his bowl to my mouth, i spilled some on his hand. Instinctively, he licked the residue off his hand ( i used instinctively because I wanna sound as if I'm describing an animal) Derek and I rolled our eyes, Puzzled, TJ asked: What, you all never do this meh?"3. He always have problems pronouncing words like Globet, Atom, Itinerary, Monopoly. He is the weirdest friend you can ever have but I have no choice. His one of my few F's so no matter how weird he is, I'll still have to live by it. Only Death can separate the both of us!On a personal note, I'll like to tell him that there is more than 1 tree in a forest. Keep looking.And yah, here are the pictures I've promised
Taken @ Labrador Park- The Analeigh Wannabe
Okay all the pictures are taken by me using the school's DSLR, not very perfect cause I'm afterall still an amateur photographer.
Tyra Banks Inspired Photo.
the worst thing in my life: being born into the Chan Family.
why can't I have that kind of life?
My Oh-so-Glamorous days.
Friday, January 9, 2009
I hate the National Library!
They want me to pay my fine!
It was THEIR FAULT for not reminding me to pay up my fines!
WHY SHLD I PAY???!!!!!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
She said she misses those studying days. So do I.
Just came home from JYSS SEC 1 Orientation Camp. For those of you who were unaware, I went back to my secondary school to help out- as a photographer.
Shan't comment too much on the camp itself, because after all, it's really nth much to update about. (get what i mean?)
But, I had some very good time catching up with my teachers. The same questions were asked : when is you enlistment date? How you felt about A's, What course would you like to read?
And i met most of my lower secondary teachers- Mr Chong, who taught me History, Mdm Mak and Mrs Ang who taught me Maths, Miss Chua- who taught me Music,Mr Dan Koh- My P.E teacher!
and of course, teachers who accompanied me thru my O's- Mrs Hon, Mrs Yeo, Mr Lim and Ye Lao Shi( though she nv taught me but she ALWAYS very nice to us) Mr Teo and Miss Wong.
Some of them say that I'm slimmer! YAY!
Many teachers left Juying already and the reason was pretty obvious- shall not elaborate much but if any JYSS teachers happen to read my blog, JIAYOU OKAY!
Had a very long chat with some of the teachers and Mrs Hon never fails to amaze us with more of her stories and theories in Life. And her stories are always so interesting! and there is always something to take away after conversing with her.
Surprisingly, some of the canteen vendors and juniors still recognise me! Frankly speaking, I cannot rmb all their names, but being NICE- i smiled and chatted.
I had some bad blood with some of the teachers and I was NEVER the role model despite being the HEADPREFECT! WOOT! cannot believe it right? But i guess I used to be hot tempered and quick to react and not to mention, emotionally complicated. what a term -_-"
On a lighter note, I went to Labrador Park today!
Did some shots with Ivy and the school's D70 is simply omgguanyinmafuggilingsibeichio.
URGH! I wanna buy the D90!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will upload those pictures,soon.
For now, I'm going to bed! getting a haircut tmr too!!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
yucks. Little Nyonya will not have a sequel. BOO.Watched the news and our Acting Minister for Manpower, Minister Gan says that there will be more retrenchment! And this time it will hit the white collar workers! If you're unsure, white collar worker refers to a salaried professional or an educated worker who performs semi-professional office, administrative, and sales coordination tasks. Well, it doesn't really affect me directly, since my mum is not even working at the moment.However, it only meant that people ( around us) will consume less. And this is true because when there is a loss of jobs= loss of wages=loss of disposable income=fall in purchasing power. And all these will result in a fall in level of Consumption which will lead to a fall in Aggregate Demand and via the Inverse multiplier, National Income falls- EG falls.In addition, a fall in Consumption is often tailed closely by a fall in Investment and as all Econs students know, Investment is an extremely important component in LT EG. So in the SR and LG, there'll be no EG= GG for everyone. and that includes me. and you, who is reading this post. And that's why, tell your parents- don't fall into the Paradox of Thrift- spend your way out of recession, and this leads me to my second point.Tadah! my fantasies.Currently, I owned a DMC FZ 50, don't be mistaken, though it looks somewhat like a DSLR, it's nothing like a DSLR. 
Firstly, it has only 10.1 mega pixels, which is much lesser as compared to any noob DSLR, which have at least 12.1. In addition, its shutter speed and lenses are no where near a DSLR. Oh yah, do you know that every time you open a JPEG file, its quality plunges? so start saving your pics in other formats!And so, in order to spend our way OUT of this economic turmoil. I want to buy the following:
The D90 is a digital single lens reflex model announced by Nikon in Aug 2008. It is a "prosumer" model (cross between professional and consumer) meant as a replacement for the Nikon D80. yay! I heard Mr Lee wants to buy this camera too! okay. time to start saving! Because this camera( with relevant kit) cost $1299 and it will cost you another $400 to get the tele or macro lens( which are important). lalala. SEE! if my mum got her bonus this year. THIS CAMERA WOULD HAVE ALRDY BEEN MINE!! * whines like a 3 yr old* SEE LA SEE LA. angry lah. but i'm gonna save. and till today. i have $10 in my piggy bank * cheers because it's an achievement* Don't blame me. Blame the economist who came out with The Paradox of Thrift.
She asked: Then why are you still so outgoing?
I thought for a moment. I was once emo. I said.
I hate him. useless retard.
On a lighter note, went back to school today and the security guard stopped us( me and 712)
Uncle: Why are you'll in such an attire? ( i was wearing Jeans and Tee)
Me: ????
Uncle: You're only considered an Old Boy ( what a term) until you collect your result?
Me: WTF? but fake a smile and thank and walk off.
Got my $150- 1/3 goes to my mum,1/3 goes to my driving and the last $50- I'll save. so that i can buy a DSLR next Christmas.
Got my 8GB memory card, but cannot find my camera's lens hood, which I lost @ Death Railway. The salesman said my camera is a very old model. and i was like -_-" thanks for telling me huh.
Wanted to start my journey of searching for my Identity but I was feeling hungry and dizzy and I do not have enough money to eat lunch and again, I dismissed the idea.
This is how POOR I AM. give me back my glamorous life. please.
whose fault? I think its my mum and that asshole.
Monday, January 5, 2009
I weigh 74kg and I stand at 175m( yay! I'm taller than a 1.67m boy in my class, by the name of....)
Theoretically, I'm overweight.
So, I've decided- I'm gonna lose weight * cheers*
Going into Army in 2 months time and I better get myself into shape( round is not a shape) lest i die in Army.
I intend to lose a hefty 5kg in 2 months- so that I can tell people- I'm 60 plus. YAY!
maybe it's was her fault.
But let me warn you, over obsession is not good.
I've a fucking useless father.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
maybe I was not well brought up.
And I know I have no manners.
And I know I have no respect for the elderly
And I know I do injustice to Mankind
And I know I hate this.
And I know I want everything to be perfect
And I know Some God once said "what you're going through, is for a reason"
But I know no reason.
And I cannot figure it out.
I know it may be such on the surface
But I ain't sure of the intention
And i know I'm gonna get my retribution some day.
And i Know and I Know, but do you?
Do you know of my achievements?
Do you know of the moments when I displayed moral courage?
Do you know of the times where I erupted with Joy and Laughter
Do you know of the times when I was compassionate?
Do you know that I care?
Do you know that I respect?
Do you know my dreams?
Do you know how I've planned my life.
Do you know that I actually ampathise?
Do you know that I love my friends?
Do you know that I feel empty at times.
Do you know that I'm like Metapod- waiting for the correct moment, @ lvl 10, where I can evolved into Butterfree?
But do you also know that that's the hardest, because, just like Metapod, Harden is the only skill.
Urgh.
Just got back from Ivy's birthday party @ SP- nice cake ;D and had lots of fun catching up. I prefer small gatherings like this, moreover,YM, KY and Van are my sec sch hang out peeps, so the dinner was enjoyable.
And of course, many photo-taking sessions. Will get the photos from Ivy's blog.
Actually, I wanted to send KY home as it was alrdy late, but i don't know how to ask for her permission, so i dismissed the idea. urgh. I'm so not gallant.
This time, i felt the distance. Maybe, just maybe. could I have been overly sensitive? Or was a line alrdy drawn during that period of absence?
Can friendship be one sided?
Can relationship be one sided?
I'm 18 and I should start planning on the next lap of my life.
I'm 18 and I should stop behaving in this unreasonable and obnoxious way.
I'm 18 and I should have.....long ago. Has my time come? I asked.
At that instant, a shooting star lighted the sky- one which is always dark and mysterious. And I told myself, Hope is always there.
P.S: Hope you have a wonderful evening with us
Saturday, January 3, 2009
I'm extremely sad. I'm so overwhelmed.
David Archuleta- A little too not over you
my music player needs a revamp.
It felt so wrong, It felt so right....
Andrew needs a 8GB memory card
Take me where I've never been,
Help me on my feet again.
Show me that good things,come to those who wait.
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, You can.
yay! tmr is dinner with peeps to celebrate Ivy's birthday- though a bit harsh on pocket but i believed its worth it!
i can spell scissors!
I'm sad because I'm fat
Friday, January 2, 2009
2nd day of 2009.
The year of : A'lvl results + Army= life changing experience.
Classmates came over my house to have steamboat. yes, steamboat again and We were discussing about Results Day, how on earth are we going to prepare our soul and mind,lest we have a Heart Attack upon seeing the results. One suggested to fly home right after collecting the result slip and only open it at home. That's nonsense.
We were also warned that if our results slip shows AAA, keep your mouth shut and pretend that your world is not collapsing due to the tremendous JOY and EXCITEMENT that has erupted from within. Stay calm, and smile to yourself if necessary.
One even say that she ( opps) will cry before she get the slip.
Me? I think i will just ripped open the slip and CRY- whether bad or good results-I think I'll just weep like Lao Si( or is it Lao Shi?)
I miss schooling. urgh.