My 17th birthday was exceptional, had a lot of surprises this year, to kick start everything was a surprise celebration prepared by my Auntie! wheee~ Well that was on Sunday when I went back to Kallang to visit my grandma who was worried sick because of my stitch.
Yesterday night, Adrian and Yuxin gave me another surprise at 12midnight, they bought me chocolate cheesecake that tasted like Heaven then at the very moment, when I thought everything was to be over, another surprise came in. Tun Jiang called
TJ: Eh, Where are you
ME: At home, my brother gave me a surprise celebration
TJ: Oh, open you door
*shocked*
Tun Jiang, Joshua, and Lin Zhong were standing at my door at 12 midnight to sing me a birthday song! It was really the ultimate, and i was seriously touched. I mean, its 12 midnight, and the three of them could come all the way to my house to present me with a cake and sing me a song. WOW. That gesture meant a lot, a lot. No words can really express how touched i was. seriously.
Thanks guys, really appreciate that effort.
Tun Jiang stayed over at my place, slept at 2am.
Woke up at 2pm the next day, Mum gave me an ang pow.heh! laze around at home and waited for my uncle and auntie to come over my house for dinner. Dinner was great! really thankful to have such nice relatives. At around 9pm, left home to meet them.
It was a simple but special dinner. We headed off to Pasir Panjang, our usual hangout. Hah. Though i cannot eat much due to my wound, I still enjoyed every single second of the time we were there. It brought back not just fond memories but it also taught me to really appreciate one another. sometimes, I'm too quick to judge and make nasty comments. Usually, I'm a person that can express myself using words, however, tonight, as i sat in front of my computer, keying in this entry, I felt lost for a while, i really cannot find words to express the happiness that I'm feeling now. I don't know if fortunate is the correct word or not, but it is definitely something more than luck, I guess Life isn't that bad after all, sometimes, it will take away some very important people in our lives so as to teach us one thing - appreciation. At times, it will also reward us,bless us, by putting special people into our lives, to safeguard us, to protect us, to shower happiness on us.
As we had our dinner, i felt my entire self glowed, i felt my heart smiled- I do have friends that love me, I really do.
I was telling Tun Jiang yesterday night that presents aren't the only thing that make a birthday special nor is it the places you hold the celebration. It is actually the people that you celebrate your birthday with, that causes your birthday to be so special and make sense. I mean, if birthday is all about presents and nice restruants, everyday can be my birthday right?
Then i thought, so what is the entire meaning behind birthdays, why is it so special? Well, the answer is quite simple.
Birthday- a day to celebrate LIFE. a day where you celebrate because you're born into this world ( whether is it a good or bad thing, is a total different issue). It is the day when you celebrate because you get to breathe the air, you celebrate because you get to experience fear,happiness,sorrow,anxiety,excitement, worry, anger, boredom etc. It is the day when you celebrate because you get to love and be loved by the people around you. Therefore it make sense to celebrate your birthday with people that you love and appreciate- people that are important to your life. Birthday should never be seen as a day when you can call the shots, nor should it be seen as a day when people must and should give you presents. receiving presents is just a bonus to the celebration. Hmm..so the next time when you have a birthday celebration, stop and think- Why is my birthday meaningful- Let us celebrate Life.
P.S : Thanks you people for sending me all the sms-es. I really appreciate them.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Tun jiang and i were bastards,making fun of xhz's sister..listen to our conversation and not forgetting the acting cute LIN ZHONG. heh
Oh, why you look so sad?
The tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't, be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'Cause I've seen a dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
I won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
So, if you're mad get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well, I'm a lot like you
When you're standin' at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'Cause even if you're wrong
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
I won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You're feelin' all alone
You won't be on your own
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
I won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
Oh, I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Touched
11:27 PMTo have friends that will travel all the way from the East to the West just to have a simple dinner and sing you a birthday song- honoured. How many will actually do that or maybe even think about it? I'm thankful to have friends like that, really enjoyed the dinner just now and it was really a pleasant surprise and ya. ultimate appreciation. Thanks Kel, Huimei, Jin Hong, Lokies and Ayron.
"Kinda missed those times" said ONE of them.
Absolutely. I share the same sentiments as him, I kinda miss those times. It is not just about the friends I meet or the fun times we had, well, i mean to a certain extent this memories do play a part in this nostalgia but it is really more than that. It is the kind of support,encouragement and love I get. It is like a Fortress, a Stronghold- somewhere where you know you're safe and that you'll have people that will guard you, you'll have someone looking down at you, those eyes, those moments of goosebumps, the streaks of warm light that shines into the darkness, the flow of heat that spreads like the wings of an eagle- those are the things that I reminisce..but..somehow..
He continued to love him though he denied him trice.
Will i get that chance?
I think the answer is evident.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Contemplating
9:17 AMI've decided not to pen down the thoughts on the experiences I've gained from OBS. It's the usual.hah. I suffered 3 stitched though, for this, i have to let the entire world know about it.
DEFORMED EARS =(
I'm seriously confused, should I embark on this journey again? Will i stick to my words and fulfil what I have promised to accomplish? Will I be like the past? gave up half way?
Haunted by the Past.
Hindered by the Present.
Intimidated by the Future.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
God has left Africa
2:27 PM"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" - Edmund Burke
Hotel Rwanda, Black Hawk Down, Blood Diamond,Tears of the Sun- all these blockbuster movies revolve around a common topic: Conflicts in the great nation of Africa. It so happen that I had nothing better to do and decided to watch t.v, something i rarely do and it so happen that HBO was screening this movie, Tears of the Sun. At one glance, i saw military officers, jungles, black men, radio signals, helicopters and i know straight away, without any doubt, it was yet another U.S. military intervention of the last 15 years smashed into one kick-ass showdown in the woods.It stirred my interest and my eyes glued to the screen.
Action, staged with technological bombast, has become the oversize engine of the global movie marketplace. Against the endless rain of heavy-metal thrills, it's not unusual to see a combat picture that imitates the look and sound -- the ominous sensuality -- of famous modern war films without a trace of their complexity or moral power. In Tears of the Sun, a military-rescue thriller set in the jungles of Nigeria which i later found out that i was taken in Hawaii..awww.haha. The entire movie was talking about how this hunky militant was trying to lead a group of African refugees who happen to be the patients of a Doctor Without Borders physician and a priest, in other words, these refugees were Christians. And little that they know that hidden among these group of black men and women, lies the son of the former President of Nigeria. So the rebels are actually after this guy and in the process the film is freighted with somber significance, and pays lip service to the issue of ethnic cleansing by showing us the Nigerian rebels as they maim and kill any civilian who happens to be Christian. It's really sad seeing all the Africans crying to their Lord but we all knew God left Africa, long time ago.
The militant, who i did not bother to check his name, was only suppose to save all the whites out of the conflict zone- his instructions were clear : take the whites, leave the blacks. And he did manage to complete his mission, however, as he was flying back to America in a chopper, something down there bite his conscious, the remnants of a massacre of innocents he has left behind in the jungles of Nigeria and then this is when all the action took place. The militant ordered his troop to head back to Nigeria to attempt to save the lives of those who are remaining..and the rest is history.
Well, I'm always moved when i see such films. I mean, unless your Heart is made of Fe. There was this scene in the movie where a woman's breast were cut off by the rebels as they do not want her to feed her own baby. The worst part was that, after cutting off her breast, they raped her and left the baby to die. Oh yah, i forgot to mention, they also chopped off the head of the priest who was there with the doctor. The priest was actually on a mission trip.oh my.
After watching so many of this gruesome but meaningful movies, it really inspired me to go the extra mile for this people. Living in Singapore has always been like a bed of roses, the stress we get from exams is bullshit, the conflicts that we have with our friends are nothing compared to the pain and agony these Africans are feeling. At least, we know we can sleep peacefully at night, but these people cannot, they can only live a day by a day, some hoping that tomorrow will never come.I always picture myself in the movies, saving lives, facing death, having the courage to see these people suffer, fighting for their lives, playing " hide-and-seek" with the rebels. and I'm damn serious about this. One day, if given the opportunity, I'll go to Africa and do my part for mankind- for my sins. So what are all these promises without action..this coming monday, I'll be going to OBS! hah! of course, the jungles we have in Singapore is very different from those in Africa, but at least, i have some form of experience sleeping on.erm.grass and among trees right.heh.
Africa is really in trouble. As I'm typing this entry right now, it is really hard to imagine that there are people dying over there, either they are plague by the forever existing AIDS or they are fleeing for their dear lives,into the deep forested area,away from the rebels or worst till, they might be even digging for diamonds right now. Guys, lets just appreciate life from today onwards,shall we? But thankfully, we have our omnipotent America landing their hands in some of their problems, to some, they might see America as a nuisance but to me, without this accidental leader, yes, i mean accidental, because nobody really made America the leader, it was because of their population size, their established economy and defence mechanism that really make people feel that they are responsible for every single thing that is occurring in this world. Well, i mean, I'm not saying America is not at fault, but come to think of it, is it fair for them? what if one day, the current president, Bush decided to pull out from every rescue mission they are into right now? They decided not to help all the developing countries get out of their poverty cycle. They decided to wash their hands off every matter than concerns us. How will life be like? heh. think about it.
Has God really left Africa? Leonardo DiCaprio mentioned this explicitly in Blood Diamonds, and in Tears of the Sun, one of the soldiers also commented this way. So wad exactly is the directors trying to tell us? has God really left Africa? I do not wish to comment, or rather not that explicitly, you decide for yourself.maybe you should try googling and check out what Africa is facing,the countless and mounting problems they have and by then, I'm sure you'll have an answer.
Friday, November 16, 2007
It took me quite a while to decide if I should stay in Pioneer, I was the only one or perhaps the first Jyian to ever step foot to the grounds of this newly established college. It is gonna take courage to face the whole new environment. Unlike my other friends who are in JJ, though they have different subject combination, they still get the chance to see each other? at least, they know they're not alone, alone in this big new world.
After 9 months in this school, my frantic search for a soul mate came to a stop. It was a hard search. There were times when i doubted my own classmates, asking questions like " Will they stick by me through thick and thin?" " will they be there to guide and correct my mistakes, to give me encouragement? will they?"
I couldn't be blame,can i? I mean, just look at myself now, alone. On the surface and at one glance, i might be happy with my life here in peejay, but is that really the case? When i hear of friends going out with their secondary school friends, i began to wonder? will i ever get the chance again? or did i just missed out the opportunity, one that i know will never come a second time again. Did i took my old friends for granted? did i bother to maintain the friendship? or did i let time take the better of us, let time, slowly and unknowingly pull us apart.
I was telling Hui mei a few days ago that i felt ever since i left church, I've lost the "emo" me. I've lost the Andrew that tears easily, I've lost the Andrew that will go the extra mile for a friend, I've lost the Andrew that enjoys having little chats with friends in Mac Cafe. He's gone. ran away.
I don't know if the songs I'm listening now is the mastermind, but I just felt a sudden gush of remorse, loneliness,fear,insecurity, just like the wind, beating against my head, against my heart.
Is the life I'm living now the one that I used to have? Was it the one filled with confidence, with hope for life, faith for a better tomorrow, one that is with destiny with a clear goal in mind.
I'll be taking my A's next year and I'm pretty sure that I will do well in fact, very well. But is that all to life? Is life all about getting good grades, getting into our dream schools?
I cannot answer that question or rather, do not wish to think about it.
Sometimes I feel very sad for myself because after 4 years in secondary school and 9 months in college, how confident can i be to say that i have friends that i can trust? friends that i will die for? friends that i will go the extra mile for him or her. does the problem lies with me? or them?
Who is to judge? who is to blame?
It is not that I don not want him to come to the party but come to think of it, is it worth the money? am i sowing seeds to good grounds? The problem with him is that he don't bother to listen to me, he chooses to blame me and jump into conclusion every time a problem arises. so what am i suppose to do? bow my head and apologise? beg him to befriend me again? Did he ever thought that every time we quarrelled..i was the one who silently suffer and have to be the first to apologise, that kind of feeling sucks because he has everyone on his side. he called the shots.
did the schools we are in right now made a difference? will life be better if all of us were in poly? or were these issues unnecessary because everything was not meant to be like this, even from the start.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
my wants
10:59 PMCrumpler( Black)- $200
Adidas Watch - $150
Ipod Nano- $250
Zara Shoes- $180
Pageone Vouchers- $100
Renoma Wallet- $150
Junkie Tee Shirts x 2- $100
Levi's Jeans- $180
Zara Jeans- $100
Shirt from GAP- $100
Levis's Tees- $80
Bag Pack- $100
Long Sleeve shirt x 2- $100
Slippers - $40
renoma briefs- $80
Grand total : $1890
money drop from. Heaven.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
at chalet with council
1:01 AMWhile everyone was busy playing poker cards and PS2, Andy and I were busying discussing about ice breakers and station games for Orientation! Well, my brother made a good investment and bought some device that enables us to go online, anytime,anywhere! heh! Of course, after much desperate effort to go through the games, we gave up and I ended up playing Neopets, my recent found love! hee!
Its really very hard for me to imagine myself going to chalet with council, i mean, I used to be very negative about council and stay aloof during meetings and all, but today, see what happens! I'm like slacking, lazying,rolling,screaming,laughing around with them..geez.
Going to chalet has always been a stigma. I cannot really put this feeling into literal words, but the very word, 'chalet' will incur very bad memories,real bad. I was telling some of them about my 10'o clock syndrome, a 'mental' disease that will trigger a particular nerve in my brain which in turn will send a signal to my mouth, to shut it up. My heart will automatically be filled with thousand and one kinds of emotions,making me very emo.very very emo. heh. But luckily, this disease has been...sort of cured? hmmmm.....I'm not sure about that, but the very fact that I'm still chirpy aftr 10'o clock sure meant some improvement, or the very least, a hope for this "mental' illness.
I'm not sure if chalet is currently the IN thing or not, but practically all the other units surrounding us were teenagers, sec 2, sec 3 or even those pathetic sec 4 that have just completed their O'level. The world is morphing, i remembered mentioning in one of my previous posts. Look at the teens we have these days...terrible..as i was walking from the entrance of Downtown East to our chalet, of the 10 teens i saw, at least 7 were smoking? cmon? you're talking about sec 2? sec 3? girls? smoking? gosh! what has the world become? Are their parents aware of their absurd behaviour? has the school done enough? is the Singaporean society that we have? are they the future for Singapore? if yes, it will be best if i can die early, i definitely do not wish to live the last years of my life, living of their taxes? wait a min, will they even live till my old age? with all the smoke they're inhaling into their body? toxic smoke that penetrates every living cell in the body. oh my!
Just look at the teens! ah lians and ah bengs. I overheard some of their conversation and they really freak me out. Smoking, pre-marital sex, dropping out of school seems to be the norm, or rather the IN-thing. Those girls with skimpy shorts, small sling bags, messy hair, low cut tee shirts, body piercing everywhere, cigarette boxes sticking out of their shorts. And to add on to the shame, they like to talk at the top of their voice, totally indifferent to their surroundings, putting on that "hack-care" attitude? and just look at the people that they attract.ah bengs. These boys are worst. skinny jeans, cardigan, piercing, long,messy hair, playing music from their phones ( usually lousy models XD). totally chui. totally shit.
I look down on these people! I feel that they will never make it in life.never! the very thought and look at them, just reinforce my belief- Singapore's future is bleak,very bleak.
As such, I've planned to send my children to top schools, even from primary school. This is because, the above people that I've mentioned, majority of them come from poor neighbourhood school. when you're in a neighbourhood school, the people that you're mixing with are also of that calibre. SO,never will i send my children to neighbourhood school. never.never.
My only hope for these people that they will one day, change for the better ( with doubt). if not, please, just leave the society, or die earlier, dun be a burden to the society. Don't intoxicate those around us that are good- those that are nothing like the people that were mentioned.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
ARRAY of EMOTIONS
12:16 AMI was in the classroom,safe. The others were not,trapped in the Lecture theatre,unsafe.
All of us knew this fateful day will come, a day where their destiny for the next year or so is determined. 9 months ago, a class of 24 students come together as one, today, out of this 24, 7 will have to leave the class,leave us. Courage is what they need now, to face whatever that is ahead of them. If the poly route was meant to be, so be it. If retaining helps, the better it is. You're remembered.
All the best to the 7 of you
May your Courage shine within =)
Jesus.God.
These two words seem so far away from me right now,so distant,so unfamiliar,so strange. For your information, I've not been attending church for almost 3 months already and within this period of time, my life changed, dramatically, for the good or for the better, i'm unsure but there is definitely a change. It is evident. I was chatting with Junxian over msn a few days ago, about attending church,about God. He commented that he will be going back to the house of God so as to spend time with his church friends, to get together. He asked me to go back to church with him. I declined his kind offer, without even considering..wait..or did i?
Unlike him, i do not wish to go back to church, to meet up with my cell group members, for the fact that these are the people i wish to remove and forget from my life. Well...not all of them i guess, but most of them. Life will be better if i can just right click on them,click delete and see them in the Recycle Bin. heh! why? For the very reason that they were the ones who forced me to leave church.forced me to leave the cell group. They were the people who forsake me and choose to see me fall when i need them the most. They are the ones who made me left God.yes,without a single doubt.
I'm a BAD christian. so just leave me alone. The kingdom of God is never where i should be in.never.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
me and my big mouth.
i have 3 projects that needs my attention
1: Movie tickets for next yr's J2
2: Orientation games
3: Project A Difference for next yr's J1
If i didn't open my mouth to suggest, i don't have to be busying doing proposals le. dotx dotx..
Went back to my primary school today, first time in 5 years. Xavier was organising some activities for the students, so i went down to help and at the same time, visit my lost love.
Things changed le, the school's surrounding infrastructure, the canteen stalls, the Principal..
but i still managed to see some familiar faces like Ms Bernice Poon..Mdm Quek etc etc..
It was so shiok having the pri sch kids calling me Coach Andrew =D heh! I just went in to the classroom, gave instructions, then went to interact with the little ones. I've realised that they lead a very simple life ( despite the tough education system mentioned in previous post) Their lfie is about recess, learning spelling, buying erasers from bookshop queeing up for fishball noodles that cost $1 etc etc haha..life's good eh? strolled around the school compound and some sweet memories just flooded my senses, how i always wanted to pon hockey training, the reading corner that we have, and the countless times i played hopskotch during recess time..awwww...
Was suppose to meet Gary for dinner last sat, but i ps him caused had family dinner, sorry dude.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
One by one
7:18 PMIt was 4am in the morning,the sky outside was still dark and today, particularly cold.
I wonder why.
I was getting ready to head down to Jiang's house so that his dad can fetch us to the airport. (thank you Uncle). o311o7, Cheng Zhu is leaving today, away from Singapore,back to Beijing then to Canada to try out a different education system.
The education system in Singapore is tough, way too tough. I'm not talking about the tonnes of homework we get from our teachers nor the endless hours we have to spend in school. However, it is the way the system works, we are constantly challenged to multi-task, the ability to filter what is good and bad, the ability to prioritise and the very value that most students lack - tenacity. The system requires us to put in hardwork-blood,sweat,tears,everything, into the things that we do. Going to school everyday literally means going to war. War with books,friends,teachers,exams,project,peer pressure,NAPFA,CCA and the list goes on. It is something not for the weak-hearted,seriously. When learning concepts in class, it is no longer about preparing to answer the usual questions in exams instead, we have to crack our brains to link concepts from different topics together in order to answer those what i call, "mutated" questions. The recent A'level GP paper shocked our dear J2s. Questions do not entirely come from Environment, War & Terrorism, Poverty alone, but they integrate the topics, the mix them up and make you think. my gosh...
It is not only happening at A'levels, a recent family dinner gave me the chance to ask about the well-being of my cousins, who are currently in primary schools. " Wayne is given the choice to take Higher MT at primary 2" said my cousin. i was like HUH?! you get what i mean? I was also told that my cousins are already starting to ask questions regarding the taboo word- SEX..They are taught the reproduction cycle at the tender age of primary 2. Sexuality Education is introduced at Primary 3? Sex was widely discussed when i was secondary 1 can?
Changes are happening in the education system in Singapore. we are morphing!
As Cheng Zhu left, tears flowed down the eyes of many, hearts broken. She is the second friend of mine that left Singapore for studies elsewhere, the first was Tommy. Life is cruel eh? One more member of S11 left us, how many more will there be? Nobody knows.
Cheng Zhu, wishing you all the best in Canada, you will always be part of 07S11 =)
Abba Father
7:14 PMTonight i found myself kneeling by the bed to pray
I haven't done this in a while,so i don't know what to say
Lord I feel so small some times, in this big old place
And i know there's more important things
But don't forget to remember me