Friday, February 6, 2009
A very Honest Post
10:37 AM
I'm willful. the things that people frown upon, I like to be involved. The more they dislike the action, the more insistent I am over it. I think it's more of a " hah, see what I'm capable of" rather than " I really want to do it"I dislike it when people who don't really know me from inside out begin to judge me.I once said I have a complicated life. and maybe I'm really building this brick wall. to test those who really are sincere abt being friends.Isn't your life sad? she asked? I thought about it. Am I? or is everything just pretence? to protect oneself? Maybe a "strong front" is an appropriate expression. Maybe I'm old enough. Maybe they see us as a separate family. Maybe it's our fault? Maybe I should grow up and leave, to live by myself. Maybe I don't need a family. Maybe I just need money. Maybe seeing others having a blissful family hurts. Maybe seeing others having their other halfs evoked sadness and disappointment. Maybe my life suck. Maybe I made it suck. Maybe I'm dwelling in self-pity. Maybe I really can be happy.Maybe I should stop all the acting.Maybe I won't grow old and die just like Benjamin. Maybe maybe.
