{What a pity it is that not everyone values the memories,even if they were once shared.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

A'levels

12:58 PM

What you do in the coming two months is going to determine how you perform in the next 8 months- Mr Dennis Yeo

It set me thinking, am i cut out for A'levels? is JC curriculum my cup of tea? Am i willingly to dedicate the next 1 year of my life to books? Will i eventually get into the faculty that i desire? What if my grades are not up to mark? What will my life become?

It haunts me. Sometimes, how i wish I wasn't a neighbourhood school, it will be great if i was in RI then to RJC or Maris Stella to VJC or even RV to HCI. gosh. Unfortunately, Juying Secondary was where i came from, and i am in PJC now. I'm not saying that PJC is BAD, the point here is that because of my lousy secondary school, i did not have enough exposure and it is undeniable that the people that i mixed with in Juying, or simply the JYians are like....of course, this excludes 4e1 lah. It is the kind of environment that i were in. pure bad luck.

"There difference is always in the eyes"- Ms Jane Lee

I envy the students in the top 5 jcs because they will eventually become the future leaders of Singapore and of course, i'm speaking about the majority. Imagine in 10,20 years time, they will be driving big cars,big houses, big dogs..everything also big, and the chances of me owning what they will be having is low. very low. I'm not just talking about A lvl grades, it is about the networking skills they have, the topics that they talk about, the way they carry themselves, their ability to focus, the strong sense of determination and will power, the aura that they possess. These are things lacking in neighbourhood JCs. In 10 months time, i will be competing with these people. How ready will i be by then? i really don't know. I dun even dare to think.

Maybe i'm just stereotyping this entire issue. But i cannot shake off this idea ever since i met some of them a few weeks ago. i feel inferior. damn. They are like giants. and im like? a small prawn from PJC? gosh!

Ms Lee left us ytd. It was an emotional morning as tears rolled down our cheeks. As said, those things that we have done,cards,songs...cannot measure the amount of gratitude we have for her.

We love you for who you are, Ms Jane Lee, our GP tutor. <3

Thursday, October 25, 2007

HAPPY DAY.

11:55 PM

I think she was pissed off. But do i look like i care? oh cmon! my group's project work is like the best lah. at least in our eyes.

we were all busy preparing for Ms Lee's Farewell Party =(. some were making the card..some were trying hard to sing Like a Rose and as always, we have a few monkeys fooling around.haha.

Ciau Er is talented can! u give her ANYTHING. she will always make SOMETHING out of it. damn envy her lah. *thumbs up*
Next year, we will have many more new teachers. and i hate it. My GP tutor, Ms Jane Lee is leaving college to obtain her Masters, i'm damn sad can. Although it was only a mere 7 months as her student, the kind of relationship that we have forged is very special and irreplaceable.Its not really the way she conducts the lesson that really makes GP interesting. It is her, herself, that changes the entire atmosphere in class. I admit that sometimes S11 do resembles the zombies from Resident Evil, but she somehow has the X-factor lah. you know,the glow from within. Ms Lee, you're really a great GP tutor, thank you for filling a part of my 2 years in PJC.
We will miss you <3

we like totally ignore her can. LOL. I guess it is all these little things that make my stay in PJC worthwhile. I really cannot express my thoughts right now,really =D

07S11, my <3

Sunday, October 21, 2007

I've never been so happy

11:00 PM

snap,snap,snap!
the day at sentosa was well spent,and of course it gave the group of us a good tan...and a really bad sun burnt =( I've never liked Sentosa,especially the "twin-tower", many unhappy memories haunt me whenever I'm there,and of course,some things i choose to forget,but some, are etched into my heart and are closely knitted into my skin.

Group photo!

I was very reluctant to enter the dirty waters of sentosa,very very reluctant. The thought of having to use public toilet to change and bathe just turn me off,greatly. But in the end, i still ended up in water.haha The sun was like blazing above us lah,sending firey arrows at us *ouch*

Only our dear Tun Jiang is the only one that was basking under the sun, totally ignoring the heat. No choice lah, he said he is sick of being a Chinese =(
It was really fun lying on the sand (though it is very dirty) with my classmates, chatting..cracking jokes..simply just lazing around.

Tun Jiang is trying to act emo.

Si En, Stine and I preparing to picnic like a bangala!

8th Student Council =D

Wad's with my face? duh!
p.s: I will upload more photos this week!
Sometimes, behind that smiling face hide an array of problems and emotions. That night, I was standing alone in the waters at the rooftop of VivoCity, just seeking solitude from the entire day of laughter and joy.

I'm in boat, in the middle of a pending storm, i rowed and i rowed, hoping,grasping the last inch of hope to reach the shore,to safety. I was looking for directions, and i saw a light house,directing me to the right way,the correct direction. But i thought to myself, I'm thankful for that lighthouse,if it wasn't for it, chances of me reaching the shore could have been zero. But i wanted more, I wanted more ores to help me propel the boat, i wanted company,i wanted friends. I searched and searched, calling in vain, crying for attention. They turn a deaf ear. They really did
As i began to felt my hands shudder under the extreme pressure and lactic acid building in my muscles, i slipped and the ore fell into the dark waters. I lost myself.My chances of survival was destroyed in that instance. Who was suupose to be blamed? Me? them? Who?
And at that moment, i saw another ship, accelerating towards me, shouting praises, thanking the lighthouse. They looked at me and said " Hey, you should not have slipped and gave up,the more pressure you felt,he more you should look towards the lighthouse for support and hope. But nevertheless, we are glad we have found you,come lets go, join us in the other boat. "
In the end, i didnt follow them, i knew i couldnt. I just too different,too different.

That night, at the rooftop of Vivocity, some one asked me," why you so emo?" I smiled, but somehow i heared something break,and i think that sound came from within. Something in me broke.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The world is superficial, said the Doctor

11:39 PM

"Don't you agree with me? The world is superficial" said doc Dennis Chua.
I can't agree more,seriously

I finally had my Tetanus Booster after like how many years? I was like super humji lah, i mean, it was rumoured that Tetanus shot will shoot you to death because of the excruciating pain that your body will feel once the needle pokes through your delicate skin.

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever". psk, the needle went through my skin and the doctor smiled.

"Who said that? Do you know? " the doctor asked me. *blank face* was what i showed him.

What a relief! The Tetanus shot was nothing lah, seriously, and with such an entertaining doctor..I really felt nothing.

" So where do you wanna go after your A'levels". Hmm, I pondered and said " I want to be a psychiatrist" I will enter NUS Arts and Social Science and take up Psychology.

Wait a min! At that moment I just felt like digging a hole and bury my head, nonono, my entire body *wow that will need a real big hole in the ground*. GOSH! I want to be a Child Psychologist and not Psychiatrist! The doctor laughed.

"So why Child Psychologist? so specific?"

I dunno, children aren't suppose to enter into this world and suffer. The children need us, like how we need them. They will be groomed and cultured and grab hold of the baton that is being passed on to them from the older generation. Perhaps, the recent documentaries,books and films that I've watched, that discussed the issue of children being sabotaged into War and are being trained as soldiers, to be specific, as killers, just struck me hard. What will they end up when they grow up? Who is going to give them the support? Who is going to help them walk out of the life that haunts them day and night? They have a future.

What about the rising trend of child abuse? How are they going to live their next 70-80 years with the scars and stigma that plague their mind and soul? They're innocent, but they became victims of the dangerous world we're living in now. They really need us, like how we need them.

"You need to lose some weight.I was 120kg, had no friends,living in depression and the world is superficial, don't you agree with me?" said the doctor.

I agree,absolutely. I've seen and experience and got a taste of what it is like to be fat, have low self-esteem and till the extent of living in depression. The world is indeed superficial, if you're good looking, you win almost 50% in any battle. Believe it or not, it's true. Some of you might argue and claims that " no lah, I'm not like that de lor, I don't judge people by their covers".

Think again. Be frank with yourself. Every time you start shifting away when an obese person sits beside you in the train. Every time you see people with big thighs wearing slim cut/skinny jeans. Every time you see a horizontally challenged person ordering mountains of dishes at the economical rice store. What are the very thoughts that run though your mind? and then you ask yourself again. Is the world superficial? Do you judge people by their covers?

The doctor really inspired me. 120kg boy to a 62kg man. Gosh.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Past

8:51 PM

Catching is best played without shoes!

my favourite slide!

badminton and basketball court <3!

reminiscing the future
what a contradicting phrase! I mean, reminiscences are usually associated with the Past, and future,the future,reminiscing the future sounds all wrong eh?
However, i personally feel that online diaries serves this purpose,reminiscing the future.It captures the very moments of your life, be it when you're sad,happy,angry,contented,lost,worried,grateful or maybe even the turning points of you life can be pen down in this site. How wonderful eh?

I was at my ah ma's house today and i saw this old man pushing an ice cream cart.How many of you can remember that there will always be this old uncle or old auntie stationing outside your school gate, awaiting to sell you the mouth-watering ice cream that only cost $1? He will then ask if you want your ice cream with bread or biscuit? or in a cup on cone?
And i remembered how my principal always advised the students not to buy from the uncle as his cart is parked under a tree and it was rumoured that leaves and twigs often drop into his "mini fridge".ewww! however, despite the countless warnings, the ice cream is still irresisitible, I always thought that the moment i walked out of the school gate, the cones will start calling my name!!! maybe because they feel that a round meatball is an easy target, hah, resisting temptation was never my forte as a loyal member in the TAF Club.
To that uncle, whom i know will never get a chance to read my blog, i love your ice cream =)

There is this playground that is just below my ah ma's house. This is the place where i played my first Catching,Ice & Water, AEIOU,Hide-and-Seek,Colours. It is where I had my first fight with my cousin, I remembered how I kicked and pinched her until she was weeping like mad,but luckily,she,yes,it is a SHE, was clever enough to run. I should say she was lucky, i mean it is pretty obvious that a meatball can never outrun anything. Yes, I was the meatball!
I can vividly remember how i hated to be the "Catcher" in the game of Catching

My friends took advantage of my size,alrite, in case you have not realised, i was horizontally challenged even till today,and always find all sort of ways to sabotage me,so that I will always end up being the "Catcher'. Let me tell you,it is not easy at all! I panted like a wild dog for every 1m that I ran,and at the end of the day, my friends refused to continue playing with me, because i will end up sitting on the floor and give them a " I give up because i'm tired" face.

Talking about giving up,I used to enjoy playing "Animal Chess" with my uncles and brother. I was young then and still did not learn how to strategize to win the game, so i usually end up losing. and i HATE losing, so when they "check-mate" me, i will grin, and turn over the board and shout "Earthquake" heh! clever eh?

I had a happy childhood! seriously,but at the age of 12, I left my ah ma house, and shifted in with my parents.

All the memories never fails to flood my mind everytime i visit my ah ma. Unfortunately, the houses in that area will soon be demolished due to the efforts made my the HDB to up the living standards of these people. There goes my playground too =( What a pity!

Why do all good things need to come to an end?